and curiously – Page 11

found my SOUL and lost my PRIDE

You guys, for a long time I was too embarrassed to post about it, but whatever, no shame. (Except I am a little ashamed.) I tried Soulcycle, and, spoiler, I really liked it. I’ve gone back more than once. It is eating its way through my wallet and also my dignity.

The thing about it is, all the reasons that it’s super embarrassing are also all the reasons that it’s totally appealing. I don’t know. You have to live your life, even if that involves realizing you like boutique fitness classes.

First, it’s in the dark, which, I recognize sounds actively crazy. But having been to well-lit spin classes and all manner of other classes, and then to Soulcycle in the dark, I realized how much of my energy is spent being self-conscious and looking at myself in the mirror if possible. It’s very difficult to preen and/or adjust in the dark, so you just don’t. I mean, it’d be nice if I could just develop the badass DGAF attitude about what I look like when I exercise, but this is what I’m working with now.

Second, yeah, the instructors seem to all spout out with pseudo-inspirational phrases like, “If you knew what you could accomplish… it would blow your mind.” And, I know, it sounds nearly as bad as the Fifty Shades of Grey dialogue when you think about it just normally, but when you’re a little low on oxygen in a dark room, even inane stuff like that seems really inspirational. I have definitely wept on a bike. I don’t even want to go into the details of why (I was working through some personal stuff, obviously) because I feel like it might spoil it for anyone who wants to try.

Third, it feels a little bit ridiculous to clip into a bike that’s not even going anywhere. And it’s really intimidating for newbies like me who also happen to be balance-challenged. But it’s actually not that bad, you guys. Clip in by stepping into the pedal, and free yourself by twisting your heels out and toes in, like you are a femme fatale putting out a cigarette. After I got used to being attached to the bike, I started really liking it because it allows me to close my eyes and not feel like I might accidentally launch myself across the room or something.

Fourth, yeah, the music is loud like a club. Or, I don’t know, like clubs were three years ago, at least. I haven’t been out since mashups were still cool, so I have no idea what it’s like now. Despite being an old person who does not go dancing, I still find moving to a beat (or as close as I can get) like viscerally appealing, so, being told to bike to the beat really works for me and helps push me to keep a pace slightly out of my comfort zone.

Basically, I like that I can just walk reliably walk into a room where I can totally turn my brain off and just sweat and maybe weep a little if I feel like it. I feel awesome after class and super connected with all the strangers with whom I just sweat in the dark. It’s disgustingly expensive, and I sort of am afraid that one day I’ll run into someone I know there and we will have to acknowledge this disgusting habit. But I actually like it, and I think I will keep going roughly once a month.

So, I don’t know. I think Mary HK Choi from The Awl said it best, “If you’ve ever suspected you’d be into it, get over yourself and go.” And please pretend to not have seen me if you see me there.

Spaghetti Squash Salad with Gochujang

What does a baby spaghetti squash look like on the inside? Is it lots of tiny strands, or a few grown-size strands, or something totally different? Pieces that are a different shape of pasta, ie, farfalle squash? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Well, that and my bad habit of online shopping right before bed. Nothing gets me riled up like existential squash questions and end-of-season deals.

Speaking of the end of the season, it appears that spring has sprung here in the Bay Area! I mean, it doesn’t get all that cold or wet in the winter anyways, but for real, it’s been appropriate to ditch the steaming hot drinks for iced coffee. I’ve got a few more fall and winter recipes that I’m going to try and churn out while we are still in transition, and here’s one now. You’ll need a full-blown adult spaghetti squash, but that’s probably for the best, because 1) you’ll get more food, and 2) the baby ones are probably too cute to use.

Inspired by Sprouted Kitchen’s charming “Mexi Squash,” and of course the Moroccan version from Smitten Kitchen, I’m pairing this mildly flavored squash with smokey, lightly hot gochujang, the Korean red pepper paste. It’s the red sauce you get with bibimbap and in other Korean goodies, and I love the lightly fermented kick it adds to food these days.

Spaghetti Squash Salad with Gochujang

1 medium spaghetti squash
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 yellow onion
1 or 2 cloves of garlic
1 bell pepper or 2 mini bell peppers
1 14-oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed
3 tablespoons of gochujang (or more or less depending on taste)
small handful of cilantro or parsley
salt & pepper to taste

Pierce the squash all over with a small knife. Yep, basically stab the squash. Microwave on high for 7 minutes. Carefully (it will be hot and steamy) turn the squash over, and microwave for another 8 minutes. If it’s not soft after that, continue to microwave in 2-minute increments until it is.

Let the squash cool until you can handle it.

While the squash is cooling, you can prepare the rest of the meal. Dice your onion, mince the garlic, and slice the peppers. Heat the oil in a pan and cook the vegetables until the onions and peppers are done, seasoning with salt and pepper as needed. Add the black beans and cook on low until they are warm.

Finely chop the cilantro or parsley.

Cut the squash in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. Scoop out the flesh, which will automatically be in delightful spaghetti strands, into a large bowl. While the squash is warm, scoop in about half the gochujang and mix to coat. Taste and add more as needed.

Add the onions, peppers, and beans, and mix lightly. Taste and season again with salt and pepper as needed. Finish with your cilantro or parsley and serve warm.

Confetti Chard Tart for Pi Day

Happy Pi(e) Day, friends! And since it’s 3/14/15, it’s a particularly special one this year. Or, at least, for this century, it’s a particularly special one. And, I know Vi Hart might not be pi’s biggest fan, but this year, I’m feeling festive. When I was at my parents’ house last month, I found my old Academic Decathlon shirt, where my “number” was pi. Yep. I was that nerd.

So, it’s probably not that much of a surprise that I actually kind of like math. Even though I literally fell asleep in every math class that I took starting in 9th grade, I found at least some small enjoyment in puzzling through problems throughout my schooling. The sleeping thing may have been because I found math oddly comforting. Both of my parents are actuaries, so in our family, we say that it’s just in our blood.

(Mental note, look for venues to casually do math as an adult in a pressure-free environment.)

My affinity for mathematics and affection for pie combined had me dreaming up Pi Day festivity permutations all week. I decided on a reasonably virtuous chard tart, with a multitude of leaves just barely bound with eggs. They’re surrounded by a sturdy whole wheat circumference with millet for crunch. I didn’t want to lose the pretty color on the rainbow chard stems, so I mixed them in, minced. Topped with bright green parsley pesto, I think this tart looks like confetti for the best kind of party, and that is, of course, the kind where you get to eat a slice of pie.

It’s also very green, both in color, and in taste. We’ll pretend that I had the foresight to plan that for St. Patrick’s Day, also coming up. Speaking of deluding ourselves, we can also just make believe that I usually pour milk into mixing bowls standing by the windows, right? I’m totally owning rolling out pie dough with a bottle of Campari, though.

Confetti Chard Tart
Adapted from Chocolate and Zucchini and The Kitchn

Parsley Pesto (makes extra, make around half of the recipe for just the tart)
1 bunch of parsley
2 tablespoons of walnuts
juice from 1/2 lemon
1/4 to 1/2 cup olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Whole Wheat, Cornmeal, and Millet Crust
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup millet
1/4 cup olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cold water

Chard and Egg Filling
10 large leaves of chard (around 300 grams)
4 eggs
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste

Make the pesto by pulsing parsley, walnuts, lemon, and half the olive oil until it forms a paste. Add more olive oil until it reaches the consistency you like. I went pretty thick with this one so it could cover the tart in dollops rather than a drizzle. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Line the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan with parchment paper.

Make the crust by adding the flour, cornmeal, half the millet, salt, and oil in a bowl. Add the water, bit by bit, until a dough forms. Knead it once or twice, just enough to bring it together. Lightly flour a flat surface, and turn the dough out. Roll the dough into a large circle. The millet sort of acts as a handy indicator for when the dough is the right thickness. Drape the dough over the pan and carefully press and shape until the pan is lined. Trim the excess, if necessary — it bakes into nice little crackers if you want. Place the dough and pan in the refrigerator to rest for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 360˚F.

While the dough rests, prepare the filling. Strip the chard leaves from the stems and chop into pieces about an inch wide, placing into a large bowl. Using your hands, squeeze/massage the chard to bruise it. Remove as much moisture as possible by squeezing with a paper towel. Mince half of the stems into very small pieces (optional, mostly for aesthetics), and set aside. Add eggs, milk, and minced stems to the leaves, and beat with force to further bruise the leaves.

When dough has rested for 30 minutes, prick it with a fork all over the bottom and sides, and bake for 10 minutes.

Reduce the oven temperature to 325˚F.

Pour the filling into the crust and bake until the filling is set, 40 minutes to an hour. You may want to cover the edges of the crust with foil midway through if they are browning too much.

Scatter flecks of parsley pesto over the top, and slice and serve immediately.

Sweet potato, scallion, and cheese waffles

I’ve been a longtime proponent of using a waffle iron for non-traditional waffles and beyond for a while, now. I forget from where, but at some point, I got it in my head that hash browns are best made in a waffle iron, and I never looked back. Oh, look, here’s a vintage tweet from me about it (2012 is vintage in Internet time, right?). And, I mean, I still am on board — easy, crispy, hash browns that don’t use half the bottle of oil are within your reach given you have this weird semi-niche appliance.

But I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make. Let’s liberate our waffle irons and un-niche them. I like to waffle tofu to give it some quick texture, and waffling rice makes tons of my favorite “stuck pot” style rice. Interestingly, I actually have not made traditional waffles in my waffle iron… but maybe someday.

Here’s something that got pretty close. Loosely inspired by the oddly-named bubble and squeak, a British dish that dresses up leftover mashed potatoes (Who ever has leftover mashed potatoes? Not me.), I decided to make savory sweet potato waffles, which improves on this recipe for me in a couple ways. First, sweet potatoes, duh. And second, the waffle shape maximizes the surface area of the crispy outside… and also the nonstick coating on many waffle irons makes it a cinch to get crisp outsides, which I admit I find challenging using a normal pan. Scallions add freshness and flavor, and cheese adds salty and gooey pockets. The sweet potatoes hold together well, so not much flour is needed. Eggs really help bind waffles, but if you don’t mind if they fall apart a little, you could omit or decrease the quantity.

Sweet potato, scallion, and cheese waffles
Inspired by Serious Eats

3 small or 2 medium sweet potatoes
small handful of cheddar (or similar) cheese, grated
2 stalks of scallions, thinly sliced
2 eggs
1/2 to 1 cup of all-purpose flour
vegetable oil, for brushing the waffle iron
salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375˚F. While oven is heating, vigorously scrub the sweet potatoes and pat dry. Then, pierce them a few times, evenly with a fork. Lightly rub with vegetable oil and wrap in aluminum foil. Place on a baking sheet (in case they leak/drip), and bake until they are tender. The time it takes will depend on their size, but it should be between 30 minutes and 1 hour.

When potatoes are done, let them cool a little bit. When they are cool enough to handle, remove about half of the peel (I left some for flavor/texture/nutrition), dump into a bowl, and mash. Allow the mash to cool.

Mix together mash, eggs, scallions, flour, salt, and pepper. The amount of flour you need will vary depending on the texture of your sweet potatoes. You want just enough so that the batter isn’t soggy. Add cheese last and mix in gently.

Heat up your waffle iron and cook according to waffle iron instructions. This made 5 waffles in my standard iron. Serve immediately.

In which I might not lift or tone, but definitely burn

aka That Time I Tried Pure Barre.

I went to a Pure Barre class with a friend because, I don’t know, I’m a lady who both aspires to be lean and be able to wear a lot of Lululemon. Also, they have a first-class-for-$5 thing going on, and I love a deal. Also, I’m weirdly into group fitness for someone who is both introverted and generally dislikes exerting myself physically.

As with all of my decisions, in between deciding to go for it and the actual event, I did an embarrassing and excessive amount of Internet research. All the talk of muscle shaking and shaping my body made me nervous, mostly, though I did enjoy the various accounts from men trying the class and getting their butts–I mean seats kicked. I did a fair amount of internal panicking about whether I would need to have special socks to go (answer: no, but you do need to be wearing socks in general). Side note — why are the only sizes for socks Small and Medium? Are we just trying not to make any ladies feel bad about maybe having Large feet? Is this like how the darkest shade of BB cream at Kiehl’s is medium, because God forbid we go beyond that?

When I got to the studio, I immediately texted my friend, “So many ladies.” So many fit ladies. Not a flabby bat wing in sight, other than, you know, mine. That said, the staff were all incredibly friendly, showing me around the small space, helping me get set up, and generally making it impossible for me to hate them. Damn.

We picked up a small ball, some resistance bands, and two pound weights. I resisted the urge to scoff at the light weights, and I’m glad I did, because we immediately launched into the warm up, and woo boy. Lots of plank/push-up things, some crunch-type things, and then we held up those tiny weights for approximately 40 years and made tiny circles with our arms. I immediately started dripping sweat. I was the only person in the class who appeared to be exerting myself at all. I knew, because the studio is lined with mirrors, so I could see my very red face from every angle.

We headed to the barre, where I was forced to encounter my reflection very close-up. There was a lot of prolonged squatting and pulsing up and down, which I thought was fine, until the teacher perkily had us lift our heels. She advised us, “The higher the heels, the more toned your thighs!” which both delighted and disgusted me. Another piece of advice she had was to not use the barre to support our weight so much, and instead, rest our hands on it as if we were “getting a manicure.” I appreciated the image, but I really did not need reminding that I was a lady at this point.

I started to “find my shake point,” as she also instructed… but at least at this point, other ladies were also visibly struggling. At some point, the instructor, announcing we were nearly done with one move said, “You can do anything for 30 seconds!” I proved her wrong.

We did some series on our hands and knees, lifting our legs, which mercifully allowed me to just rest my face on the carpet without being too conspicuous. The entire time, we were being told to “tuck,” which was basically scooping your pelvis in toward your belly button. You know, lightly humping. I found it mildly awkward to be tucking rhythmically, but I liked that it kept me from arching my back too far, which I frequently do without noticing. At some points, they had us “tuck” to one side or the other, which was I never able to master and seems like some kind of myth.

Back at the barre, we sat with our backs to the mirror/wall and lifted our legs up and down, contracting our abs. This part was sort of lost on me, and I mostly just enjoyed being able to sit and rest against something.

Finally, we did a stretching sequence that went just fast enough that I couldn’t quite get into any stretch, and then ended with some light air-humping to one final song in dim lighting.

Things I Liked About Pure Barre:

It seemed like a very efficient workout. Done in an hour.
The staff were all really nice.
I liked the straightforwardness of their approach — we know you are here to look good naked, so let’s get to it.

Things I Disliked About Pure Barre:

For really selling the stretching, I found it to be too fast to really get into anything. I get that you are paying for a workout class, not a stretch class, but at that point, why bother?
I couldn’t get over how awkward I thought it was that they referred to a butt as a “seat.” I had a few moments when I was advised to move my “seat” up or down and I thought, “OH are we supposed to be in a chair right now? That must be why this is so hard.”
I didn’t really feel like I fit in with the other clientele.

Conclusions? I don’t know. Shortly after the class, I alternated between wanting to sign up to go a unlimited number of times in a month so I could look more like their clientele and never wanting to return. At this point, I’ve settled on pushing that decision until later. I think the type of exercise that will benefit me the most right now is moving around a lot and burning calories and building general strength rather than specifically targeting “problem areas.” They are all sort of “problem areas,” is what I’m saying.

That said, I did go back for another class because I found another promotion lying around. So who knows. You might see me looking lean in Lululemon, yet.