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bus etiquette

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

How does one non-awkwardly take the bus?

I think I always stray towards the sheepish, inexperienced girl when I take the bus.  I’m overeager at the bus stop and jump to my feet as soon as I spy a hint of the bus.  I thank the bus driver both when I get on and off, and I more or less count down stops every time the bus even slows down.  I have to actively restrain myself from giving friendly smiles to people who get on the bus and pass me, lest I freak them out with my farce of being eager to speak to them.

It’s unclear why I am so friendly and awkward on the bus.  Certainly, I am awkward during normal situations, but my friendliness declines to nearly zero often, and I am usually kind of surly, or in better terms, quiet.  I just have this fear that if I’m quiet on the bus, I’ll be misinterpreted as a terrible person, or, an antisocial dangerous person.  Irrational.

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the decline of my food snobbery

Monday, July 19, 2010

I am trying to start a food blog, but since being a nearly food-blog-worthy epicurean, I took on a 13 hour/day job and moved into a stranger’s house, and my eating habits deteriorated entirely.

Yesterday, I subsided on:
5 “Cuties” mandarins
Broccoli and quinoa (OK, so this one is almost worthy, but I used premade pesto.)
Toast with peanut butter
Pizza
Yogurt-covered raisins
Hot Cheetos with Lime
Break-apart Pillsbury sugar cookie dough
Frozen yogurt with blueberries

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not even I love Triscuit that much.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

There was this one time that I got locked in the pantry of an empty mansion.

Some backstory – this summer, my internship provides housing in the form of homestays.  While I spend my days toiling in the nonprofit fashion, my nights are spent in a huge mansion owned by a kind family that has opened their house to me for the summer.  They went on vacation to Europe a few weeks ago, leaving me to fend for myself (except with the help of a full-time housekeeper) and keep their pets alive.  I’m 22 and have more or less taken care of myself before, not to mention a stint attempting to feed 34 hungry students, so I figured it would be OK.

Then there was the night I locked myself in the pantry.

It was Thursday, after Parents’ Night, the program’s version of Back to School Night, so I was exhausted after a harrowing 14-hour work day, the last several hours of which were spent with me attempting to speak Spanish, a language in which I can comfortably state, “My name is Jade,” “It is cold outside,” and speak at length about global warming, and nothing else.

I try not to let animals die under my care, however, so I diligently let the dogs in from the backyard and went to give them dinner.  I walked into the pantry with 2 dog bowls, bent down to scoop dog food in, and heard the pantry door shut behind me.  Then I heard the door knob fall out.

I tapped the door to make sure it had, in fact, shut.  It had.  I think I may have burst into tears at this point, or gotten to the dizzy-panic stage, at least.  I definitely banged on the door pathetically, wondering if perhaps a neighbor might hear me, or the dogs might magically know how to put the door back together.  No luck.  At this point, something strange happened to me, and I began to think very rationally about my predicament.  I realized the housekeeper would come in approximately 12 hours, so I at least wouldn’t die in the pantry.  I tried shutting my eyes and sitting to ascertain the likelihood of my falling asleep in there, coupled with my own exhaustion.  My rational thought left me when I realized I might have to pee.

Thus began another round of banging pathetically on the door, this time trying to break it to free myself.  I had a brief interlude of shrewd rational calculation when I tried to decide if I would actually go insane trapped in the pantry and weighed the cost of my impending psychiatric bills with the cost of repairing the pantry door.  This analysis was inconclusive, but it didn’t matter, because my nonexistent upper body strength was absolutely no match for the solid, solid door.

Defeated, I somehow calmed myself down again and realized I was not playing to my strengths.  While I am decidedly non-athletic, I do play “escape from this room” flash games pretty much all the time.  I used my fingernails to unscrew the rest of the doorknob and a kebab to push out the front of the doorknob, too.  By some miraculous turn of events, I managed to figure out more or less how the door worked and used a can and a dog leash to make the door open.  It was literally the most James Bond thing I have ever done and likely will ever do.

I definitely wept with happiness upon escaping from the pantry.  It became a thing of fear for the next week.  I taped the door open and also placed something heavy in front of it.  Even so, I refuse to step entirely into the pantry anymore.

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on walking with headphones & social crutches.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A few months ago, my non-ridiculous-sized headphones broke, and before I superglued them (and also my fingers) back together, I was forced to walk campus sans earbuds.  I didn’t think it would be strange at all, especially since I certainly don’t actually listen to music all the time and, in fact, sometimes prefer the silence.  It was, though, and I remember the few days with a sense of profound discomfort.

I think I use the headphones as some kind of awkwardperson crutch.  They’re an excuse for me not having to speak to people I run into on the way to and back from class.  A short wave is sufficient, because nobody wants to have to rip the earbuds out for an awkward 4-second conversation.  I pretend not to hear the random religious people or political activists seeking my time, which would ordinarily make me feel rude, but I don’t feel so bad with the headphones in.

Increasingly, I’m also seeing text messaging as a social crutch that I misuse.  By no means would I be considered a good phone conversationalist even on a good day, but my increasing reliance on text messaging has made me, if possible, even worse at leaving phone messages.  While texting is succinct and allows for review before its final submission, my phone messages are always mostly rambling, since I feel politeness dictates me to talk about not just exactly what I called to discuss as well as riddled with my self-corrections.  I held off on texting for a long time (sort of), so I faced my social awkwardness with stubbornness born of thinking nothing else exists.  Since I’ve given in, however, I’m even more afraid of real phone conversations and gravitate toward text-based communication whenever possible.

Social crutches worry me despite my rational thinking that they shouldn’t.  I reason that I should be fortunate to be keeping up with modern methods of communication, but losing my self-confidence and ability to relate to other people, in, you know, real life may be cause for concern.  I guess I shouldn’t really freak out until I become a bona-fide hermit, but when I do, I’m sure I’ll tell the Internet in purely text-based form.

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on-the-side and vegetarianism

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

After something like 6 years, I have come to view my vegetarianism as a fairly important aspect of my identity.  I would imagine that I probably garner a lot of irritation in this – people love to hate vegetarians for some reason, but for me, it’s a choice that I made in my adolescence that was key in my attempting to live life according to my morals.  I try not to be preachy about it, but at the same time, I don’t want to compromise the gravity of this decision for me.  Walking this line has been difficult for me, since I do get that feeling of moral superiority that I would imagine inspires the ire of meat-eaters everywhere, but honestly, if I did not feel like it were the morally superior choice, I would probably be eating pork right now.  Since I can’t seem to really defend my stance without sounding annoying even to myself, I really prefer to just not speak about it, which is a little strange to me.  Anyone within earshot will tell you that talking about myself is one of my main activities, and it’s strange to me that I don’t talk about this one part of myself I consider significant.

Anyways, my family wants to go out to a restaurant tonight in which I normally order salads that come with chicken (or, in some instances, steak).  I often waver between 1.) asking for the meat on the side so that someone can eat it, thinking that it’s ridiculous to pay $14 for a plate of lettuce and 2.) asking for no meat because the point of my vegetarianism is to reduce meat consumption.  I guess it’s more morally consistent to do the latter, but it hurts a little every time, probably because I’m kind of cheap.  I guess my decision is based on whether I feel more, at that time, that my vegetarianism is a personal taste preference or a moral lifestyle choice.  Recently, in the flurry of crises about my uncertain future and my uncertain sense of self, I’ve started to drift toward the heavier moral choice realm.

I think I probably face a similar dilemma when I make instant ramen and refuse to use the little chicken/beef packet because it’s got animal product in it, instead making some sort of alternative broth.  Rationally, I know it’s a little silly because the little packet is “consumed” either way, so I’m morally kind of bankrupt, but I would feel far worse actually eating it.  I think part of it is just my learned distaste for animal products, but it also definitely feels wrong, in a moral way, to use the little flavor packet.

I seem to have talked myself in circles a little, and it seems kind of bad blogging to leave without a conclusion, but I really don’t have one.  Hot mess, I’m a hot mess.

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meep ow

Sunday, December 27, 2009

It hurts when I blink my left eye, again.  The same thing happened during Thanksgiving break, and then I developed a really unfortunate cyst in my lower eyelid that threatened to swell my eye shut a few days before a job interview, but it thankfully subsided.

Years ago, I got an eye cyst during a time of extreme stress, so I think it’s weird that they’ve come back to haunt me now, particularly when I’m on break instead of at school.  Empirically, I should be very low stress, as I spend much of my time sleeping or lying in bed reading/watching television.  I think I’m realizing more and more that I’m actually happier when I have something to do – left to my own devices, I just get kind of maudlin and then feel all sorts of indulgent self-loathing.  (See, I’m doing it again.)  I mean, I did make this website for no good reason.

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best of lists and reminiscing

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The end of the year, I find, gives me an excuse to be a little overly sentimental.  (I function more closely based on the timeline of the academic year, so the end of the calendar year mostly signifies my being confused when I write the date for a few weeks.)  I do, however, love reading the lists that review the best music/books/movies/television shows/whatevers of the year.  In the gaping hole of real activity that has been my (possibly last, commence panic now) winter break, I have spent actual hours reading these lists.  And so, I am composing my own.

Jade’s Best Discoveries of 2009

10.) Being 21.  Doesn’t bode well to start my list with this, I guess, but turning 21 and subsequently being able to purchase alcohol was a great moment for me.  I still feel a little giddy when I spy some wine at a supermarket and suddenly remember, “Hey, I can buy that!” which I guess means I’m a tad immature, but it’s so fun!  I can indulge in buying all the wines with the cutest animals on the labels whenever I want.

9.) Dexter.  I’m still a few seasons behind, but I certainly burned through seasons 1 and 2 when I first found them in the summer.  I found Dexter to be shockingly addicting, with perfect pacing, fascinating characters, and really smart plotlines.

8.) Macs.  I don’t know if it’s really a discovery, but my new laptop, a Christmas gift from 2008, continues to bring me joy.  Though I adored the old Dell, this one is just so beautiful and functional.  Sometimes I think I’m being spoiled because I rarely have to fight with my computer anymore, but oh, it’s so good.

7.) John Green.  Wow, do I feel like a creeper listing a name, but this is actually just a way for me to cheat and list several things.  I’ve really enjoyed John Green’s three Young Adult novels, which I found to be written with a realistic but intelligent voice.   He and his brother do a pretty darling vlog, too.

6.) Nerdy board games.  I have become a board game addict.  I can’t stop.  I sometimes play online with possibly German strangers or with computers to get my fix.  I can’t really talk about it.

5.) No Knead Bread.  This one hurts a little, because after years of trying to bake the perfect artisan bread, the closest I’ve ever gotten was with like 15 minutes of active time instead of, you know, hours.  It’s a great recipe, though, easy as long as you’ve got the right gear, and the bread is fantastic – crunchy crust, awesome hole differentiation, complex flavor, SIGH.

4.) The Weepies.  Whatever, I’m sad.  No, but really, The Weepies provided the soundtrack for, yes, the sadder times I had this year, but also my low-key, introspective times.  Morose enough to make me feel thoughtful but not make me uncomfortable with self-indulgence, The Weepies let me get my emo on without getting to the point of no return.

3.) Birkenstocks.  Something of a rediscovery for me, but I hadn’t worn them in a few years, at least.  They are not the cutest shoe, but after my back problem days of early 2009, every step in Birks instead of whatever I was wearing before (Rainbows, I am a trendwhore sigh) was a sigh of relief.  I may  never wear anything else.  Ah well, I was never a fashionable girl anyways.

2.) St Andre cheese (aka BUTTER CHEESE).  I owe Em for this one, but this cheese is so good.  It’s rich to the point that it’s reminiscent of butter, but in a good way.  I want to eat nothing else, except then, I would die.  And not be able to eat more butter cheese.

1.) Passion Pit.  Ah, gushing & keyboardsmashing, it may just be that my Passion Pit fever still burns bright, but I literally listened to nothing else for at least 2 weeks earlier.  Pitchfork would have you believe that I am mostly just a rat choosing pleasure over food or musical substance or whatever, but it just sounds so good.  Catchy without being cloying, upbeat enough to work to and walk with, they are my soundtrack of the last few months of the year.

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Hello world!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!  test

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