Collard Green Tempeh Wraps

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I’ve been staying up late, begrudgingly (and very slowly) doing my taxes, because, hello, mid-April, when did you come around? The thing I’ve come to realize about adulting is that it is just constantly having your butt kicked. There is no mastery of adulting, because once you’ve got one thing figured out, more clamor for attention. It’s like, come on, I already 1) returned my regretful online purchases, 2) cleaned the bathroom, 3) avoiding yelling of obscenities at work, and now I need to remember my student loan login password? What am I, some sort of wizard?

But hey, here’s a thing to eat that’s deceptively fancy. You’ll be able to tick off, “Ate vegetables” from your daily adulting to-do list and be on your way to figuring out whether “tax withholding” is a verb or a noun, all in 20 minutes or so. Or, you could take a break and use all that saved time to play a couple Candy Crush levels; I would aggressively not judge. Because I may have done that.

Collard Green Tempeh Wraps

Per wrap:
A few slices of tempeh
1 small radish
1 small carrot
handful of bean sprouts
2 large collard green leaves

vegetable oil
1/4 cup rice vinegar

Super quick peanut sauce:
2 teaspoons peanut butter
1 teaspoon rice vinegar
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon honey or other liquid sweetener

Grate (or use a julienne peeler for the aesthetic pictured above, but grating is totally fine) the carrot and thinly slice the radish. Set in a small bowl and pour rice vinegar over, adding water if needed to let them be just barely submerged. Let them quick pickle while preparing the rest of the ingredients.

Heat a bit of oil in a pan and place the tempeh slices in once the pan’s hot. Let them hang out and brown, peeking back regularly to make sure they are not burning. Flip when necessary, and drain on a paper towel when they are done.

While the tempeh is cooking, whisk together the peanut sauce ingredients in a small bowl, adjusting to taste.

Clean the collard green leaves thoroughly. Slice the stems out and arrange on a plate, former-stem-sides facing in, towards each other. Arrange a small handful of bean sprouts, a bit of the carrot, and radish, and a few slices of tempeh on top. Drizzle with the peanut sauce and wrap (like a burrito, sides inwards, and then roll toward you). You can use a toothpick to keep the wraps together, or… after photographing this one, I, at least, chose to just eat them immediately after assembly.


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